Struggle for Understanding

Disclaimer: Every age is decisive. This is just a more specific perspective from a mid- to late- twenty year old.

I just had an interesting conversation with a friend about the pangs of being at such a decisive age – mid- to late- twenties. We have many decisions to make that will highly impact the remainder of our lives. We must choose a career, we must choose a spouse, if the opportunity exists, and we must further define who we are and what we want. This truly is the fundamental, foundational “make or break it time.”

My friend mentioned how he is struggling with what he knows to be true in his heart as opposed to what he is beginning to doubt in his mind. He mentioned that he is doing all that he knows to be true but is not seeing the results as he feels he has been promised. This paradox for him is causing major internal strife and raising doubts.

After hearing him express, I began to realize, that we are all the same. In other words, we all are experiencing struggles some how in some way. It is true what Henry B. Eyring said; when you meet people and you assume that they need help, you will be right 95% of the time. We all are struggling in some way and if we cannot admit that fact, then we are being very ignorant. Our struggles do not have to be drastic, dramatic or unbearable, it can be anything – of course we should not forget the power that be for us, is SO MUCH greater than the power that be against us.

When we look at people we need to be incessantly striving to see them as a perfect person sees them so that we can see things as they really are not as they appear to be. Think of how much more compassionate you would become when you realize that behind that cockiness, that pomp, that confidence, is a very natural man who needs help just as much as you do – the sooner you realize that he or she needs help, the better off we all will be. Look around you. You will see people that will cry and have cried, will laugh and have laughed and pray and have prayed without a clear answer to their prayers (then how important is a testimony and a sharing of experiences etc.?!).

Imagine if you could hear everyone’s supplications to heaven . . . I think we would all realize that we are really not that different from one another . . . after all; are we not all from the same Father?

Life is amazing and life is rich. Life is real and life is hopeful. Life is what you make it.

Students for Children

A special annual orphanage fundraiser brought to you by the BYU Slavic Club.

Since the fall of the Communist regime in the former Soviet Union, the economic stability of its fundamental organizations has faltered considerably. Throughout the Nineties, the Russian people suffered greatly because food, warm clothing and paying jobs were scarce. By 1992, Russia was at the helm of one of the worst economic depressions in Russian history. Russians were penniless and helpless, unable to support their families.

Consequently, with the rise of poverty in Russia also came the catastrophic influx of orphans to Russian, State-run orphanages. Due to the massive increase in children admitted to the orphanages, the government simply could not provide for all the needs of the children and many were forced to do without the basic necessities. Thousands have died and many more are enduring the consequences of inadequate nutrition, poor living conditions and severe lack of education.

Today the struggle to support the children left to the state has reached horrific proportions; the yearly number of admitted orphans has more than doubled since 1992. The Russian government, despite its noble efforts, cannot provide sufficiently for each child’s needs. Furthermore, the needs of the children have grown. Many are afflicted with aids, cancer and other debilitating diseases, whose parents leave them to the state because it is their child’s only hope of recovery; the costs of health care are prohibiting them from helping their own children.

The BYU Russian Club, however, refuses to give up on the lives of these children. Having enjoyed the blessings our country has to offer, we believe we can make a difference to the innocent children, currently suffering in Russian orphanages. This year our club has decided to begin a new annual fundraiser called the Students for Russian Children Fundraiser, in an effort to gather sufficient funds to aid orphanages in Eastern Russia provide the necessary items for the children to help them through the long and arduous winter.

Our Goal

Through correspondence with representatives in Khabarovsk and Vladivostok, we have learned that the children are in dire need of winter clothes, especially warm coats and boots. These items in particular are outside the scope of the orphanages’ budget and therefore it is our desire to make sure that these children have adequate clothing to make it through the harsh Russian winter.

Our efforts to gather money to help the children are two fold:

(1) Our "Students for Russian Children" Talent Showcase on Friday, February 24th, 2006, will be an event designed to raise both money and awareness of the current plight of Russian Orphanages. For more information click on the link at the end of this post (BYU Slavic Club).

(2) We are also talking to our friends, neighbors, families and local businesses for donations toward this great cause.

Your Role

With the help of private donors and the money we receive from the Talent Showcase we hope to raise funds in the thousands to go toward helping Russian orphanages. Whom we are able to help and what we are able to supply will depend greatly upon the donors.

If you have any desire to help these children, please send your donations to:

Students for Russian Children
3112 Joseph F. Smith Building (JFSB)
Provo, UT 84602

Make donations out to "Students for Children"

For additional information, please visit the BYU Slavic Club website

First a Father then a . . .

A new study for Fathers: shared activities key to father-child connection:

BYU and NDSU research explores how dads connect with their children

The most significant way for fathers to connect with their children is through participating in shared activities, according to a new study from researchers at Brigham Young University and North Dakota State University.

The study is published in the current issue of Fathering, a journal of theory, research and practice about men as fathers. Of particular mention were activities that involved recreation, learning or working together.

"How fathers connect with their children is both important and interesting," said David Dollahite, co-author, and professor of family life at BYU. "This research provides a window to look at some of the specific ways in which fathers connect with their children."

After conducting in-depth interviews with fathers concerning their relationships and the dynamics of how they connected with their children, five central themes emerged:

· Personal involvement in shared activities

· Expression of support and care to ill or anxious children

· Interaction with children at birth or adoption

· Shared exchanges of time and affection

· Participation in spiritual activities with children

The most significant pattern that emerged was the personal connection created by fathers participating in shared activities with their children. The activities discussed most frequently by fathers were:

· Recreational activities (camping, hunting, picnics, playing ball)

· Play or learning activities (hide-and-seek, checkers, word games)

· Work activities or attending important events together

"Men feel close to their children when they are doing things together that are fun, engaging or focused on learning," said Sean Brotherson, lead author and assistant professor and extension family science specialist at NDSU.

Connecting with a child was expressed in situations ranging from playful wrestling to teaching a child to hammer in a nail.

"The key was doing something together, not just talking, and this seemed to make possible periods of companionship, such as sitting around a fire together, and moments of shared enjoyment, such as catching a fish or reading a book together," Brotherson said.

Participants in the study shared many experiences that had a strong impact on their relationships with their children.

One participating father said, "I mostly think of the little times, such as when he wanted to play soccer and we went over and played soccer a while. Afterwards he just kept talking about all the things that he learned playing soccer. He really talked about it for a long time, and it really made me think, 'Boy, that must have been a neat experience for him.' To me that is nurturing, spending time and doing things so that it is a meaningful experience for him."

According to Brotherson, these connecting moments shared by fathers seem to exist as windows of time in which the distractions of a hurried schedule or busy lifestyle are blocked out and they can focus on feeling close to their children. "This is all the more important when families today are faced with too little time for each other and they end up feeling overscheduled and under connected," he said.

The research contains several father narratives related to each of the five central themes.

"The other findings from this study, whether reflecting a father's spiritual activities with children or shared moments of laughter, all point toward the tremendous value of building positive connections as a father," said Alan Hawkins, co-author and BYU professor of marriage, family, and human development. The voices of these fathers share a message of positive possibilities for healthy experiences of connection between fathers and their children."

Happiness in the mountains of Nepal - thanks to my cousin extraordinaire, Logan Dance.

Happy Now So Happy Then

“The habit of being happy enables one to be freed, or largely freed, from the domination of outward conditions.” Robert Louis Stevenson

Substitute “thing” with what you want . . . .

A few months ago, I was in hot pursuit of something that I valued tremendously. I constantly told myself that if only I were to get that thing I wanted then I would be happy. It made so much sense. I know how big this thing was and I knew that it made others happy when they got it so it must be the source of their happiness. I envisioned myself with this thing and it made me happy.

Well, as fortune would have it, I actually obtained that thing I so wanted. And surprisingly to me, I was relieved, grateful, peaceful, but not comparatively happier.

After reflecting on this phenomenon, I came to the self-reflective conclusion that the state of my heart had not changed and it wouldn’t change no matter how implausible the thing I wanted. In other words, I could have won the lottery, a new pair of skis, received a 4.0 and it would not have made a difference on my heart. Sure, after obtaining this very good thing, I felt an alliviance of pressure off my shoulders, I felt peaceful and grateful but the state of my heart had stayed the same.

How ever you are happy now, will dictate how happy you are then. You must find a more constant source of happiness. You decide to be happy now. Good or bad may come and it may come hard and fast. Other things may change but your heart will stay the same.

“Obviously there is a great difference between feeling happy at a given moment and being happy for a lifetime, between having a good time and leading a good life.” James Faust

“I may not be able to eliminate pornographic trash, but my family and I need not buy or view it. I may not be able to close disreputable businesses, but I can stay away from areas of questioned honor and ill repute. I may not be able to greatly reduce the divorces of the land or save all broken homes and frustrated children, but I can keep my own home a congenial one, my marriage happy, my home a heaven, and my children well adjusted. I may not be able to stop the growing claims to freedom from laws based on morals, or change all opinions regarding looseness in sex and growing perversions, but I can guarantee devotion to all high ideals and standards in my own home, and I can work toward giving my own family a happy, interdependent spiritual life. I may not be able to stop all graft and dishonesty in high places, but I myself can be honest and upright, full of integrity and true honor, and my family will be trained likewise. I may not be able to insure family prayers, home evening, meeting attendance, and spiritual, well-integrated lives in all my neighbors, but I can be certain that my children will be happy at home. They will grow strong and tall and realize their freedom is found at home, in their faith, in clean living, and in opportunity to serve. As Christ said, “And the truth shall make you free.” No virtues in the perfection we strive for are more important than integrity and honesty. Let us then be complete, unbroken, pure and sincere, to develop in ourselves that quality of soul we prize so highly in others.” Spencer W. Kimball

Uncertainty

What is more common than uncertainty? How do we deal with every day of our lives when really so much of it is unknown?

Here are some thoughts:

"We must develop sufficient independence of judgment and maturity of perspective that we are prepared to handle the shafts and whirlwinds of adversity and contradiction as they come to us. When those times come, we cannot be living on borrowed light. We should not be deceived by the clear-cut labels others may use to describe circumstances that are, in fact, not so clear. Our encounters with reality and disappointment are, in fact, vital stages in the development of our maturity and understanding." Bruce C. Hafen

Flip It - the Supply Chain of Life

Flipping it – Romans 12:21 – BE not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

Jeffrey R. Holland - “When all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously. When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more (see Prov. 3:11–12). He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion which polish you for your everlasting benefit. To get you from where you are to where He wants you to be requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain.

Flipping it – on the supply chain of life your grip on your suppliers may not be what you want it to be and you may be handed a few bad parts here and there but ultimately you are in charge of what you manufacture – take and learn from it – you can take what you went through and now bless others . . . if you really think about it you are simply and purely becoming more like Jesus, and isn’t that the point of our existence . . . .

1) “Mortality presents us with numerous opportunities to become more Christlike: first, by coping successfully with those of life's challenges which are "common to man[kind]" (1 Cor. 10:13). In addition, there are also our customized trials such as experiencing illness, aloneness, persecution, betrayal, irony, poverty, false witness, unreciprocated love, et cetera. If endured well now, "all these things" can be for our good and can "greatly enlarge the soul," including an enlarged capacity for joy (D&C 122:7; 121:42). Meek suffering often does the excavating necessary for that enlarging!” Elder Neal A. Maxwell (October 1997 General Conference)

2) “Another thing will happen: We will become much more aware of and alive to the many possibilities for doing good that re present in life’s daily situations. Even the moments that seem humdrum are full of possibilities. Nothing is really routine.” Neal A. Maxwell